Anastasia "cuddly lion pit" (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
constellates) wrote2020-01-25 08:03 am
constellates) wrote2020-01-25 08:03 amic inbox.
ANASTASIA
Hello. Call me Anya. (･ω´-ゞ)^☆
VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION
constellates) wrote2020-01-25 08:03 am
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She thinks I was lying to her to lead her on.
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and i think maybe
she is hurt
so that she is not thinking the same way she would
if she was not feeling hurt
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She thinks I was lying to her. Specifically to her.
That I thought she was stupid for not seeing it.
Maybe it's just her being hurt, like you said.
I suppose I was lying to her, though.
To everyone.
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but
you are hiding something from people
from almost all people
people can hide
and people can lie
that does not make them bad
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But I suppose that when you think about it.
I really am lying to everyone in a way, aren't I?
I can't blame someone for not trusting me.
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i think she trusted you very much
but maybe
you did not trust her the same ?
which is not bad
but
sometimes you should tell someone
or they can be hurt
if they are surprised
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I don't tell anyone about that secret unless I have to. The more people who know, the less secret it is.
It wasn't just her I was keeping it from.
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Not until too late.
The moment I realized, I told her. I didn't think it was fair to keep it from her.
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it is good you told her
i know it is hard
to know what others are thinking
it is not possible always
but someone told me
you should not imply things that make them think of other things ?
i am not sure how to explain
but if you do not trust people
it will hurt them to find that ?
but i do not know enough about naoto's problem
to say if that is what happened
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I just don't want to tell people this secret if we're not close.
Is that so wrong? To not want to immediately proclaim my gender from the rooftops the moment I meet someone new? To want to know how I can trust them first?
I don't think that's unreasonable.
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you say now
" it is not i do not trust people "
but also
you said earlier
" i do not trust people until i have to "
????
naoto if you do not trust
that is okay
but it will hurt people
who think you do
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[It sort of is.]
It's just that... I can trust people in some ways and not others.
My fellow officers at the precinct, I would trust to help me if I were in trouble.
I trust people with critical things all the time.
It's just
this one thing.
I'm not lying about anything else. I'm still the same person. It shouldn't matter.
[Who is she trying to convince?]
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you can have one thing
you can have two things
all the things if you want
but if you hide
and people find out
they will be hurt
someone told me that too
you cannot help that
you cannot change how people feel too
only how you feel
and what you do
how you treat people
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I dont know
I dont see why it should matter
does it matter if people think Im a boy
arent I still me?
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you are always you
you are always naoto
trying to do your best to be good at what you do
that is not what is different
that is not why people are unhappy
you know that
yes ?
people cannot have important talks with you
if you are not talking about the same thing
people being unhappy about trust
is not the same thing
as being unhappy you are a girl
that is not what it is about
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Anya I don't get it
Why can't I trust someone in every aspect of my life but this one
Why can't it just stay a secret
It doesn't make sense and it's frustrating
[There's a bit of a pause.]
thank you for listening to me
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are my words not right ?
it can stay a secret
but you cannot be mad
if someone is mad at finding out the secret
other people have feelings too
i will always listen
i hope naoto feels better ?
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You're making, logically, a perfectly sound argument.
I just don't know if I'm in the right space emotionally to accept it. I'm sorry.
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you do not need to say sorry for how you feel
but you should talk to this person
soon
it would not be nice to lose a friend
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I'm just not very good at expressing my emotions.
I think I'll have to try, though.
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there are some things that have to be said
i think
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Even if they're hard.
Thank you, Anya.
I very much appreciate your input.
Even if I've been... grouchy.