[ it's an understatement. and he knows that they didn't know yuri as long as they've known one another, or other people in recolle, but all the same - ]
Now I'm in no group chats. [ it's a flippant joke, paired with a tiny smile that's anything but genuine, although it passes for it well. ] ...I'm glad he, you know, doesn't have to worry about this shit and got to do something he wanted, but it's a little lonely to have someone forget a bunch of bullshit you told them, and to forget a lot of the past half year or more of friendship? Or more, for you.
[well now that they've picked out their sweets, they can probably just hang out in the living room? there's a TV and anya's cat is absolutely just stretched out on the couch taking up more space than a cat needs]
.... mm.
[There's a little bit of a laugh again, even if it's not quite as sincere. A noise to fill the silence as she tries to figure out what to say.]
Well... развивающийся... That was new, too. You are the one who lived with him. Ah, we can still call him when he is not busy, I think but....
[ . . . ]
Oтсутствует? I do not know how to stop feeling like I wish he was still with us... it feels selfish.
[ dave goes to pet the cat, because he is predictable as fuck and loves them. that cat needs all the space, and dave will not even move? the cat? he will sit to the side of it? ]
It's okay to be selfish, you know? Like, it'd be weird if people weren't at least a little. And I can't...stop wishin' that either. Even though I know he's probably, like, happier not knowing, it feels a bit like a trike without a third wheel, which is just a bike, and this metaphor doesn't work as well as I thought it would when I started this sentence but you get what I mean.
[this cat absolutely needs all the space and now anya and dave will position themselves around this cat, as if the cat is the sun in their little galaxy
she enjoys the comparison
this is fine]
A trike without a third wheel is still not a trike. The way it is built is different? [she's here for the assist] I miss our trike already.
[ . . . . . and yes she misses yuri]
But to be selfish is... непривлекательный? I feel like I should be happy for him, or that is not what friends do....
[ . . . . . and she shakes her head gently even as she digs into the ice cream. she doesn't know if she wants to talk about this, or if it's a good thing to talk about. yuri used to call her out on trying to change the subject just because she doesn't want to express her sadness but
she doesn't know how to actually breach the topic]
... well, we will be okay, right? So it is okay....
... but sometimes that is not nice to look at or think about.
[Sorta like admitting that she selfishly wants Yuri to come back and that her heart aches a little bit every time she loses someone, sure, but this is someone that she'd liked especially.
I don't know if I've ever found them easy. And, uh, yeah, same? Even when people I know aren't happy try to pretend to be I...how do you call them on it?
Mm.... Happy is happy. Sad is sad. If you are happy, it is good to share. When you are sad, it is not so good to share because other people might be sad.
[SHE THOUGHT IT WAS SO SIMPLE.]
Chasing after happiness even when you are sad.... is bad?
...Making the decision for other people that they only got the happy stuff was a bad thing. I don't think he agreed it was wrong even when we talked about what the not-happy stuff might be. And I don't...exactly know if he was wrong, but I...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Mint chip please.
And I have apple juice for when Davechka wants, with his ice cream.
[ . . . and since she knows why he's here, she'll broach the topic herself.]
... It will be odd to be without Yuratchka again though.
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[ it's an understatement. and he knows that they didn't know yuri as long as they've known one another, or other people in recolle, but all the same - ]
Now I'm in no group chats. [ it's a flippant joke, paired with a tiny smile that's anything but genuine, although it passes for it well. ] ...I'm glad he, you know, doesn't have to worry about this shit and got to do something he wanted, but it's a little lonely to have someone forget a bunch of bullshit you told them, and to forget a lot of the past half year or more of friendship? Or more, for you.
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.... mm.
[There's a little bit of a laugh again, even if it's not quite as sincere. A noise to fill the silence as she tries to figure out what to say.]
Well... развивающийся... That was new, too. You are the one who lived with him. Ah, we can still call him when he is not busy, I think but....
[ . . . ]
Oтсутствует? I do not know how to stop feeling like I wish he was still with us... it feels selfish.
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It's okay to be selfish, you know? Like, it'd be weird if people weren't at least a little. And I can't...stop wishin' that either. Even though I know he's probably, like, happier not knowing, it feels a bit like a trike without a third wheel, which is just a bike, and this metaphor doesn't work as well as I thought it would when I started this sentence but you get what I mean.
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she enjoys the comparison
this is fine]
A trike without a third wheel is still not a trike. The way it is built is different? [she's here for the assist] I miss our trike already.
[ . . . . . and yes she misses yuri]
But to be selfish is... непривлекательный? I feel like I should be happy for him, or that is not what friends do....
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[ ...dave shrugs. ]
...I'm also sad for us, I guess? [ he smiles. it's genuine-looking, at least. ] Does that even make sense?
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Yes, it does.
[ . . . . . and she shakes her head gently even as she digs into the ice cream. she doesn't know if she wants to talk about this, or if it's a good thing to talk about. yuri used to call her out on trying to change the subject just because she doesn't want to express her sadness but
she doesn't know how to actually breach the topic]
... well, we will be okay, right? So it is okay....
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[ dave has a spoonful of strawberry but has yet to put it in his mouth. ]
I don't...know for sure. But he always used to get on my case about that.
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... сердитый....
Yuratchka would always get angry.
Mm, but I do not know if I learned the right way to talk that would not make him angry.
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[ which dave sucks at! and he's not sure anya is much better. ]
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[Sorta like admitting that she selfishly wants Yuri to come back and that her heart aches a little bit every time she loses someone, sure, but this is someone that she'd liked especially.
And admitting that is hard.]
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[ at all. like. he sure as fuck doesn't want to talk to anyone about the things that make him tick, but - ]
- Sometimes it was nice to have someone shouting at you about the truth, though.
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[but she does. it makes her smile around a mouthful of mint.]
Kто? Who will shout at us now, Davenka?
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[ but where do you even start with that... ]
Or one another. Although, uh, I am not skilled at raisin' my voice.
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[even if it's good for them??]
Чувства.... I did not think feelings would be so hard.
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[ GENUINE QUESTION ]
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[SHE THOUGHT IT WAS SO SIMPLE.]
Chasing after happiness even when you are sad.... is bad?
[that's what yuri said right]
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[ he shrugs. ]
...Making the decision for other people that they only got the happy stuff was a bad thing. I don't think he agreed it was wrong even when we talked about what the not-happy stuff might be. And I don't...exactly know if he was wrong, but I...
[ ...don't want to talk about bro ever uh ]
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.... still do not want to talk about it.
[she agrees.]
Because sharing the not happy stuff....
There is nothing I can do to change it, if it happened. So...
[why bother touching on it?]
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[ a shrug. HE...GETS IT. ]
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and she will continue to eat ice cream.]
.... maybe I understand a little. Because as a friend, I do not want Davechka to hold that alone.
[ . . . . ]
But as Anya... Mеня самого. I know what Davenka is saying and the feeling is not easy.
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[ TAKES A BITE OF HIS ICE CREAM he's such a slow eater sometimes ]