Anya's scared too. She is. She knows she's in over her head, and she's upset. She's lonely and afraid of her own powerlessness, and the fact that in the future, she will be responsible for someone's life. She can't run away and vote for herself again. But - she isn't quite as strong as Beau, to be able to put those feelings into words.
Nor is she the type to acknowledge her own feelings when so many people are suffering in front of her.
So she steps forward, closing some of the distance between them, and she extends her uninjured hand, palm up.]
[ beau looks up at her, expression - conflicted. it's so very hard to accept help, but it's even harder to say anything that might hurt the people she cares about, these days. it used to come so easy. but after today, she's not sure she could bear to make anya upset, so she just doesn't say anything.
instead, carefully, she reaches a hand out and places it in anya's. ]
[it's hard, when she wants to take beau's hand into both of hers - but she can't, too worried that her other hand will make her upset, an unfortunate reminder of the ways that anya rushed a little too quickly into danger's way.
so instead she just gives her a gentle squeeze with her good hand, holding onto it securely, warmly]
When scared, hold onto Anya. I will know, but will not tell others.
[she pauses for a moment before offering a soft smile]
Восхитительный. Beau is strong, and good. But even strong and good cannot be alone. So I will support you too.
Okay to be scared... okay to want to cry. But I am with you, always.
the look on beau's face the whole time anya's talking is - weird. strained, maybe, the sort of expression someone keeps when they're desperately holding back tears. she's already cried so much since the end of the trial and she doesn't want to do it anymore, but she might not have a choice.
deep, deep breath. it shudders. ]
You're too sweet for your own good. [ beau says, voice gritty and hoarse. ] You know that? Nobody's taken that from you. I admire that, Anya, I really do.
[ she reminds her so much of jester and it's killing her a little bit. ]
I'm gonna be okay. And I want you to know it's the same for you. If you're - if you get scared, just come find me and I'll hold on, okay?
[ . . . the smile that pulls out of anya is a soft one, even if it's a little bit sad. she's scared more than she wants to admit, in a place like this, and she can't hold beau's hand all the time. she's not like beau. she's not strong or capable or able to help in the ways that matter - she hasn't really earned the right to crumble.
especially not when - ]
To be an idol... It means to be everyone's надежда. To carry hope. [and this - she says with a little bit more pride] So it is my job to be good.
[she takes it seriously, even if there's no real need for an idol. the songs, the dances, the superfluous stuff.... but she can still take ahold of what it means to her]
Even if I worry... I know that I cannot be too scared - because there are people who care for me here. Святилище. I feel safer, with that.
Even so. Lean on me when you need, okay? I don't want it to weigh too heavy on you. [ she offers a little smile. ] Do you mind if I follow you around a bit? I don't know what you were gonna go do, but. I'd like to come with you and - maybe teach you more Halfling.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week one, post trial
don't mind beau's red-rimmed eyes and grinding teeth she's FINE. IT'S FINE. everything is fine. ]
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but anya is actually going to be coming out of her room right at this moment, her notepad and some writing utensils tucked under her arm but
she looks a little surprised and scared to see beau. but the WORRY overtakes everything else]
Beau...?
[she gently shuts the door with her good hand - the other is bandaged held close to her, like she's trying to hide it]
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[ she saw what happened. and this is easier to do. ]
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Mm... Toi helped. It... is good for what we can do now.
[she'll have to ask luna to check when she's less emotionally compromised]
Beau... Волновался. I am worried for you again.
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[ let her see?? ]
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... Hurts - but not too much. It... Наказание. Punishment for Anya. I know that.
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It's a stupid fucking punishment. They're punishing you for not trying to kill someone, Anya, I don't want you to be - feeling bad about that, at all.
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... I do not. Повторение. I cannot do again, because it might be worse...
But I do not regret.
[she knows she did the best she could with the information she had, and this is the choice that she can live with this time but
... what about next time?]
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I don't regret my choice either. I should, but I don't. I'm playing the game they want me to play and I'm looking for holes every week.
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... Beau voted for....?
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... I knew too. Самопожертвование... He put his life on line...
He thought he did it...
[and boy isn't that
the worst]
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I'm kinda scared, Anya.
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Anya's scared too. She is. She knows she's in over her head, and she's upset. She's lonely and afraid of her own powerlessness, and the fact that in the future, she will be responsible for someone's life. She can't run away and vote for herself again. But - she isn't quite as strong as Beau, to be able to put those feelings into words.
Nor is she the type to acknowledge her own feelings when so many people are suffering in front of her.
So she steps forward, closing some of the distance between them, and she extends her uninjured hand, palm up.]
Оставайтесь на линии. ... Hold onto me, please.
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instead, carefully, she reaches a hand out and places it in anya's. ]
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so instead she just gives her a gentle squeeze with her good hand, holding onto it securely, warmly]
When scared, hold onto Anya. I will know, but will not tell others.
[she pauses for a moment before offering a soft smile]
Восхитительный. Beau is strong, and good. But even strong and good cannot be alone. So I will support you too.
Okay to be scared... okay to want to cry. But I am with you, always.
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the look on beau's face the whole time anya's talking is - weird. strained, maybe, the sort of expression someone keeps when they're desperately holding back tears. she's already cried so much since the end of the trial and she doesn't want to do it anymore, but she might not have a choice.
deep, deep breath. it shudders. ]
You're too sweet for your own good. [ beau says, voice gritty and hoarse. ] You know that? Nobody's taken that from you. I admire that, Anya, I really do.
[ she reminds her so much of jester and it's killing her a little bit. ]
I'm gonna be okay. And I want you to know it's the same for you. If you're - if you get scared, just come find me and I'll hold on, okay?
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especially not when - ]
To be an idol... It means to be everyone's надежда. To carry hope. [and this - she says with a little bit more pride] So it is my job to be good.
[she takes it seriously, even if there's no real need for an idol. the songs, the dances, the superfluous stuff.... but she can still take ahold of what it means to her]
Even if I worry... I know that I cannot be too scared - because there are people who care for me here. Святилище. I feel safer, with that.
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Even so. Lean on me when you need, okay? I don't want it to weigh too heavy on you. [ she offers a little smile. ] Do you mind if I follow you around a bit? I don't know what you were gonna go do, but. I'd like to come with you and - maybe teach you more Halfling.
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... Звезды. I was going to see stars. They always make me feel safe, even if these are not my stars.
To share with Beau would make me happy.