constellates | [ anya and hunter gonna be besties ]

[The hesitation, the fear is clear both in his body language and his expression. He doesn't back away, but he doesn't reciprocate the embrace, either. His voice is incredibly tense and frail when he speaks.]

Please, you don't have to...

[she shakes her head at that, firm for once - ]

Do not have to. Хочу. Want to.

... Heart hurts, doesn't it? To be sad, guilty and to be alone at same time. I... do not want you to feel that.

It's not... I'm not the one that you should...

[His voice cracks as he tries to explain, but before he can force more words out, he's moving one of his hands up to cover his eyes. The motion might be a little bit awkward while she's still holding onto him, but.]

[ah... she imagined it was something like that. she'll give him just enough space to do that before she reaches up and lets her hand gently pet his hair, aiming for as soothing a motion as she can manage]

... Not 'should' or 'should not'. Only what I want to do.

Вот. And I want to be here for you.

[Something about the motion is so affectionate that it reminds him of his mother, and that - well. Something inside him cracks all over again, and he brings his other hand up to his face, his shoulders trembling slightly.

It's muffled, but the only thing he can think to say is a whispered:]

I'm sorry...

[ah....

her arm around his shoulders encourages him to lean on her, letting him hide his face in her shoulder if she wants to. she'll continue to run her fingers through his hair even as she manages soft, soothing noises to try to calm him]

... I know.

Not mad. Освобожден. In truth... my heart feels better, than you are here. Still here with us.

[but she'll just encourage him again, quietly:]

It is okay to cry.

[He starts to cry in earnest as she says that even as he tries to stop himself, hands balling into fists that cover his eyes.]

You didn't have to...

[Keep him here with them.]

[she holds onto him as he cries, not pulling away until he makes a sincere effort to break the hold first.]

... Not have to, want to.

[she repeats it, and will continue to repeat it as many times as it takes]

Важный. You matter to people here. We want you to be safe and with us. Always.

[The tenderness helps, but at the same time, it claws at him. He's certain he doesn't deserve this.]

You shouldn't, I... I killed him, Anya.

[It may not have been his choice, but he can't help but wonder... If he had a stronger will, if he was better - would this still have happened?]

[ . . . . it's hard. it's hard when mammon was quite easily one of anya's favorite people in this place. losing him cut her deeply in a way that she struggles to even really bring words to. it was a sudden loss and the person she's comforting her now is the one who was the vessel for it.

but that's all he was.]

... Not you. Монстр. This place - the monster who was not you, made you do it. You are hurt too.

[He would say the same thing for anyone in his situation, and he realizes that deep down - but it's harder to convince himself that it's true in his case, somehow.

All the same, he sucks in a breath and blinks a few more times, trying to stem the flow of tears.]

...Sorry.

... Почему? Why do you apologize?

[it's a soft question, but one that sounds sincere - she's not sure what he's saying sorry to her for anymore. not when she's made it clear she's not mad at him]

[He - sounds a little bit sheepish, but:]

I got your dress wet.

[And, like, a thousand other things, but.]

[ anya and hunter gonna be besties ]

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