constellates | [ ayabe is anya's impulse control ]

[ touches the ground, I hope he can laugh and be happy in this game. "it's a murdergame" I know ]

I'm already tired. [ It's too late, Anya. ]

Besides, having somebody watching you all the time is tiring, isn't it? I live on my own already, so I know how to take care of myself.

[ Ignoring everything else that happens later on Sunday-- ]

If you make chocolate cookies, you should give some to Nikki. She would like that.

Chocolate...? Mm, okay. I will.

[she's down to take any and every baking request tbh!!

but there is a moment where she seems to take issue with what he said - ]

Even to know how to take care of yourself... it is still nice to be cared for? Mm... Oбщение... To not feel alone.

[ Ayabe's going to find everybody's cookie preferences and tell Anya so she can make them cookies ]

Huh? There's so many people here, so I'm not alone.

[ It's more like, god he wishes he were alone sometimes, with everything that's going on around here and all the mess that he doesn't want to get involved in. Lonely is a different story, but he likes be alone. ]

[hmmmm, she's trying to figure out how to say what she wants. her stirring the batter slows as she puts it to the side, bringing a finger to her lips in thought]

How do I say...

Независимый? Mm... Do you not like to have people take care of you too?

[is he like minami.... he seems like minami to her - a workaholic perfectionist with too much common sense who is great about watching over others but not great about looking after himself]

You don't want to let batter sit too long...

[ He picks up the bowl so he can finish mixing it, because he doesn't need the extra focus on translating in his head. ]

It's not whether I like it or not, anyways. I don't have somebody like that, so I wouldn't know either way.

[sldkjfdlkfj she reaches out as if to stop him - but he's already got it.... so she laughs a little bit instead and then goes to get the baking tray so they can properly set out the cookies then]

Мне! You should let Anya be 'somebody like that' for you.

[lET HER TAKE CARE OF AYABE]

What would you even do?

[ It's not an outright no, but. He's a big boy who thinks he can take care of himself, who's had to be an adult since he was in middle school. He doesn't need somebody to bake him cookies or remind him to brush his teeth or things like that. ]

[that is

a delightfully good question and it's clear that anya hasn't thought that far ahead, because she's not much of a concrete planner. but intentions can take her a good portion of the way through, right.]

Mm... Радостное. Try to make you happy, I think.

[ Right. "I want to make you happy" is up there with "I will try my best," both things that sound nice but ultimately... well, not empty, but it feels like it, happiness an intangible dream rather than a concrete reality.

He hands the bowl back to her once the tray is set out, so she can dollop her own cookies and choose how large to make them. ]

I'll be happy if you stay safe. If everybody else stays safe and stops fighting. You can help me look after everybody. Is that alright?

[ Happiness is two days without broken chairs or somebody's face being kicked in. ]

[she'll continue to prepare the cookies then!! it looks like she's going to splat the batter onto the baking tray and then use a cutter to make them into credit card-sized shapes]

Mm... I will do that.

[she can agree to it easily but - ]

That is not a happiness for you... Hаружу. It is still for others.

[that's not what she's trying to accomplish!]

[ It's good enough!! While she works on shaping the cookies, Ayabe takes the bowl and spoon and starts washing everything so nothing gets all crusty if they wait too long. ]

...Anastasia, are you an only child?

Call me 'Anya' please.

[a gentle little thing, because she always likes nicknames,]

But um... Да. Yes, Mama and Papa had only Anya.

[ An only child, it's pretty easy to tell, sort of like how it's easy to tell Ayabe is the exact opposite of that. ]

Anya, then. Don't you think your mama and papa are the happiest when you're happy? For me, I have five younger brothers and sisters. Nothing makes me happier than seeing them smile and grow up well.

[ It's familial love, which doesn't exactly translate to this place full of strangers, but it's the same sort of concept. Putting other people's happiness first, making sure they're all okay, ensuring that the world is both safe and happy to the best of his ability, and only then will he feel satisfied enough to be happy himself. ]

[that

is a difficult question to answer for her, so she leaves it alone for now. though at the mention of his family, she supposes that does make a little bit more sense. it's a very giving, generous kind of love that she imagines would be much easier to understand if it came down to someone who always looked after others, as opposed to someone who always received that love like anya

the topic of family distracts her ENTIRELY]

Семья... Their names? How old? You are oldest?

[ He'll just believe that Anya agrees with him wholeheartedly and she's seen the light, because he loves his family a lot and would talk about them forever, even if he does stop washing all together and lets the water run over his hands without realizing. ]

I'm the oldest. I have three brothers: Umetsugu, who's 12, and Koshiro and Akimi— the're twins— they're both 8. And two sisters: Ichika who's 13, and Kosue who just turned 7.

[look if he seems happier to talk about it, then she is too. she'll keep making these credit card cookies because she likes mammon so much it makes no logical sense]

You are... Сплоченный? Very close to each other?

[it sounds so nice.... she's almost jealous]

[ Credit card cookies for Mammon... cute.

The question makes his head dip a little, though, falling quiet so only the rush of water can be heard- and then the clank of plates as he starts washing them again so he doesn't keep the water running and waste it. ]

They're pretty close to one another, I guess. The twins play with each other the most, but for the rest of them, their ages are far enough apart that they have their own friends. Ichika would have friends over, and Umetsugu would go out.

[ And Ayabe is not in the equation at all. ]

[ . . . . hm.

That does manage to make her tilt her head.]

"To one another".... not you?

...I moved out to live in the dormitory at school, so I don't see them anymore.

[ It's a half truth, it's what he did. But he doesn't know if he can say he got along with his siblings before all of that. It always felt like, first and foremost, he was a parent to all of them before he was a brother or a friend or anything close like that. ]

[oh.... her expression drops a little bit, and a guilty feeling sits in her chest as she thinks that she would've liked to keep the softer expression on his face for longer]

... Извините. I am sorry to ask something that made you sad. School is far from home?

[ Soft Ayabe is limited to around five minutes a day, and he's maxed out, it's not Anya's fault. ]

I'm not sad... [ But he's. something. ] It's about two hours by train, it's pretty close.

[ But he never goes home to visit, and his siblings don't come visit him, it's that sort of relationship now. It'll get resolved in the manga in like the next chapter if he manages to make it out of this place alive. ]

For now, this is fine. Everybody is doing well without me.

[ ayabe is anya's impulse control ]

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