[ binch stop running ]

[constellates]

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[constellates]

[unfortunately that is the impasse]

... правда.

Only... truth.

[soba]

I've been telling you the truth.

I'm tired.

[constellates]

... Которого?

["of what?" - but she also thinks that she can't blame him, given what she saw]

... Of being disappointed?

[soba]

A lot of things.

[ he gives her a curious look. ]

But I've done a lot of shitty things for my brother, Anya. You shouldn't want to be my friend.

[constellates]

... Drug dealer. Using guns. Hurting people...

[she knows now, with clear evidence based on his own memories. they're choices that he made, and doesn't seem to regret. she's the one who said that she couldn't like stefano because he was so willing to hurt people -

but.]

Внутренний? Do you think you should not have friends, because of what you have done?

[soba]

... I had two friends. And then I realized that it wasn't going to work out. I couldn't be friends with them, and survive in this kind of world at the same time. So something need to be sacrificed.

[ a few things needed to be. ]

Why would I want to make friends again after that?

[constellates]

... because - they could not survive in the world you are in?

[she thinks of what she saw - toi's brother killing a man who helped them, because he didn't think that man would be able to survive in the world they're in. toi's surprise and pain from seeing it happen in front of his eyes.

did he believe in that too?

. . . ]

Насилие? Does it need to be that way forever?

[soba]

Yes. It'll be that way for as long as I'm still around.

[ however long that may be. ]

You should just try to salvage whatever's left of your normal life.

[constellates]

[ . . . ]

But you miss them. Your friends. [Meltryllis too, she thinks, but that's a little too recent for her to bring up] And even with your brother - it is still hard.

[her injured hand comes to rest over her chest, feeling the ache that starts to settle there]

... I still want to know you - временный характер. Even if it not for always.

Because it sounds more tiring... to be alone and carry things that way.

[soba]

[ but what's the point? if it's just going to get taken from him again in the end, then what's even the point? the idea of opening yourself to someone, of holding out your hand, only to have them snatched away from you again and again...

he doesn't understand how someone can be okay with that. ]

It would be easier.

[constellates]

... is it?

[she questions it - because she can't help it. her fingers curl inward, balling into a small, tense fist]

Someone said - life can be scary, and can be short. But... Вместе. With another person, scary can be halved. Can be shared. To have someone who will say 'you are not alone, because I am here too.'

[ . . . ]

Эгоистичный. It feels selfish - but I want to say that to you. [a beat, and she finally puts words to what she's been feeling for weeks - ] Anya will not be idol anymore after this, if we get out. So... could be friends if you ever want.

I will not go - until you go first. No matter how hard or easy.

[soba]

Why can't you be an idol anymore?

[ he glances down at her hand. ]

Your injury?

[constellates]

[there's a pause - and a nod]

They told Anya to be solo artist - but even if stayed with partner... Would make her lose popularity. Внешность. Because Anya is an idol for looks first.

[she can sing, she can dance - but she knows that she's not as cute or charming as the other girls. people want to see her for a certain persona, and she can't deliver that anymore. the entertainment industry is a harsh one and she won't make the cut because of her choice]

... but that is not point of what I said.

[soba]

It sounds pretty important to me.

[ an idol gives hope, and all of that. ]

[constellates]

[ . . . ]

И то и другое. Both things are important.

Anya looking for new dream.

Toi not having to lose friends.

[she squares her shoulders a little]

Both can happen.

[soba]

[ he gives her a stern look, questioningly, like he's trying to find something in her face that might show she's lying. ]

What happens if we can't be friends once this is over? You're really okay with that?

[constellates]

... Нет. No. I will miss you.

[she wonders if that's too direct, and she definitely isn't lying, but - ]

I miss everyone who leaves. It does not change. To lose is hard. I... maybe not the same, but I can see why you think is easier.

[her life doesn't demand in the same way that she leaves people behind for their own safety - but she has had to say goodbye]

Попытаться. But I do not like idea of not trying. I want to know you, more than I want to be scared.

[soba]

... stupid.

[ her insistence that everything can still work out, as long as they try, reminds him of kazuki again.

it's a painful reminder. ]

Fine.

[constellates]

[ . . . she takes a little bit to react - like she's a little surprised.]

Fine? Toi said 'fine'?

[though it's probably a little embarrassing how excited she sounds, even if she almost sounds hesitant to be so happy about it. but regardless

she holds out her hand to him]

Друзья? Friends?

[soba]

[ like he said, he's tired.

and they've been arguing about this for so long, that... honestly, they still end up spending time together. it's not helping him to keep having this back and forth.

he stares at her hand before slowly, slowly, reaching out to shake it. ]

Mm.

[1/2]

[constellates]

[wow.

they don't need to be connected by red strung for him to realize how happy that makes her, expression warming and turning to something excited as she holds onto his hand eagerly even as they shake - ]

Спасибо! Thank you!

[constellates]

[And that's when a memory plays -

It's an average school day and Papa drives you to the campus, and there is already a guilty feeling in your heart. You know that he's been doing this because you've been getting quieter, and quieter. His words from the night before ring in your head, "Where's my shining Anya?" And you smiled for him - but you couldn't tell him that you didn't know where she was, or if there was anything of her left.

The car stops in front of the campus and his hand comes to your head, warm and kind, and he says, "Have a good day, Anya" in perfect Russian. You respond to him in kind, easily and immediate, "Have a good day, Papa!" You know this will be the last good part of your day, with someone who loves you.

When you walk into the school, the air is different. No one talks to you - they only talk about you. They look in your direction and whisper, but you can't understand everything the say. It is too soft, too fast, too much for your ears to know when you are still learning. But you hear the pieces that they mean for you to hear: That girl. Cold. Don't. Speak. Weird.

You sit at your desk and no one comes up to you. You bring out your notebook that maps the stars, but something catches your attention that someone says - Meteor shower. - and you turn, you want to speak, you want to share something that you love with anyone, anyone at all.

But even as you open your mouth, the other students see they've caught your attention, and you remember the past. When you tried to speak, and either no one understood or worse, when they made mocked what you had to say in the way that you said it.

So you turn back in your seat, mouth clamped shut, and you hear them murmur: She. Talk. To us? How creepy.

And something in your chest aches, but it doesn't show on your face - you can't let it show on your face, or the words they'll have for you will only be worse. So you hold both the loneliness and the ache in your chest, every feeling you want to express trapped in your heart when no one wants to listen, and you don't have the words to connect.

And it's not Toi's fault, how the memory surprises Anya, prompting her to almost immediately pull her hand away.]

[soba]

[ he knew that she was lonely. he learned that last week, because of the effect, but he didn't pry or anything, instead pretending that he didn't notice anything.

but this... fills in the answers to the questions he didn't ask.

toi blinks, staring at her. ]

... huh.

[constellates]

[ - ah.

the stare manages to make her shrink a little, looking away, as if ashamed of the memory like she did something bad]

... Извините. Sorry. To share.

[soba]

[ ... ]

You literally just saw me kill people, and you're apologizing for people being assholes?