okay i am not telling anyone who he is just in case
but
[she hasn't had to type it out before. there's a long, long, long pause before she can continue, seeing the words of what happened to her reflected back]
[the harshness at least rings faithfully - and anya is left a little befuddled. mochi made it clear that he was upset about not being trusted with knowing how she was doing, but to be called selfish....
considering how badly she wants to be a good girl, that rattles her]
not my decision ? selfish ? why ? what did anya do wrong i do not want my friends to be sad for me
[and she doesn't even mean it defensively - just worriedly. this isn't the right way to handle bad things happening to her....?]
well, i didn’t at least not for a while she didn’t tell me about it until you guys had prom because she thought I’d react badly
And...I won’t lie, I did react badly but it wasn’t because they were dating the fact she kept a secret from me hurt a lot i understand what you went through isn’t comparable but the point is...when you keep secrets from friends, it hurts when they inevitability find out it’ll make them feel like you don’t trust them so it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about things at length but if anyone asks, just tell them the truth no secrets, okay? you went through a lot, you got hurt, but you’ll be fine none of this “I won’t make people worry” stuff
if someone asks me i always tell them because i do not like lying but people do not always ask so i thought it is ok to not always say because then they will not find out and they will not need to know about a sad thing
but i think i understand it is hurtful not to know
but aki sometimes people have sad things happen but they do not tell me i think that is okay too if they do not want me to know they might have their reasons
it is not the same ?
[it's a little hard for her to reconcile. she'll tell people things that they want to know now... if they tell her that they want to know. aki, mochi, she will try to tell them from now on.
but she's never been the type to push or demand. should she always be offering up information instead?]
it depends on the person you’re not the type to push, so people don’t feel the need to tell you i guess and if you know someone is like you, it’s fine if you don’t say anything
but it’s better to err on the side of caution, anya you ever know with some people
personally... id prefer to be in the know okay? i can’t speak for anyone else
[ . . . and that message comes first, because it's what she can agree to easily. if someone tells her something that they want, anya can't say no.
but there are still some things that she keeps close to the chest. that might not be right though. it'll take time, but she'll try.]
i do not know if i can tell everyone everything bad that happens to me because sometimes people will do things that i do not like or do not ask for to try to protect me
but i know it hurts to be in the dark so i will do better
i guess to answer your question, i would the person i was wasn't a particularly good person im not entirely sure letting that kind of man roam around again free to do as he pleases is a good idea so ideally it'll end before i
i dont know turn back into that person? if that's how this works
[One day we'll all learn Nobunaga Oda was a woman but until then...]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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someone hurt you
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yes
but i am better now
so it is okay
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but i have a question
what will you do if you know ?
[she's already got an idea based off of yato's reaction - and she's not ruling anything out]
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if i knew who this guy was id probably wanna beat him up
but i cant
because ive lost everything retrospec gave to me
so im back to being too weak to actually do anything
make of this what you will
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i am not telling anyone who he is
just in case
but
[she hasn't had to type it out before. there's a long, long, long pause before she can continue, seeing the words of what happened to her reflected back]
kidnapped
and tied up
people got hurt
badly
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But she doesn't really care about them as much as Anya, so she's not bothered.]
were you hurt badly at all, anya?
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i did not say because i did not want to make people worry
it was not anything that will stay forever
[nothing permanent, she means - so that's okay]
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keeping things like this secret is selfish, anya
there's no virtue in "trying not to make people worry"
[She's being harsher than she should, really, but...
She just can't approve of this mindset Anya has.]
but...if it's really nothing permanent then i'm glad
i don't want to see anything happen to you
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considering how badly she wants to be a good girl, that rattles her]
not my decision ?
selfish ?
why ?
what did anya do wrong
i do not want my friends to be sad for me
[and she doesn't even mean it defensively - just worriedly. this isn't the right way to handle bad things happening to her....?]
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[That's one hell of a subject change.
But she's going somewhere with this.]
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they are very happy !
[she didn't
know they were keeping it a secret from nobu though]
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at least not for a while
she didn’t tell me about it until you guys had prom
because she thought I’d react badly
And...I won’t lie, I did react badly
but it wasn’t because they were dating
the fact she kept a secret from me hurt a lot
i understand what you went through isn’t comparable
but the point is...when you keep secrets from friends, it hurts when they inevitability find out
it’ll make them feel like you don’t trust them
so it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about things at length
but if anyone asks, just tell them the truth
no secrets, okay?
you went through a lot, you got hurt, but you’ll be fine
none of this “I won’t make people worry” stuff
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because i do not like lying
but people do not always ask
so i thought it is ok to not always say
because then they will not find out
and they will not need to know about a sad thing
but i think i understand
it is hurtful not to know
but aki
sometimes people have sad things happen but they do not tell me
i think that is okay too
if they do not want me to know
they might have their reasons
it is not the same ?
[it's a little hard for her to reconcile. she'll tell people things that they want to know now... if they tell her that they want to know. aki, mochi, she will try to tell them from now on.
but she's never been the type to push or demand. should she always be offering up information instead?]
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you’re not the type to push, so people don’t feel the need to tell you i guess
and if you know someone is like you, it’s fine if you don’t say anything
but it’s better to err on the side of caution, anya
you ever know with some people
personally...
id prefer to be in the know
okay?
i can’t speak for anyone else
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i will tell aki
[ . . . and that message comes first, because it's what she can agree to easily. if someone tells her something that they want, anya can't say no.
but there are still some things that she keeps close to the chest. that might not be right though. it'll take time, but she'll try.]
i do not know if i can tell everyone
everything bad that happens to me
because sometimes people will do things that i do not like
or do not ask for
to try to protect me
but i know it hurts to be in the dark
so i will do better
i will do my best
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as long as you understand that then it’s fine, I guess
i know it’s messy but people are complicated that way
it sucks to deal with
i don’t like this kind of thing myself
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i do not like it when i have to hide things
it would be easier if bad things do not happen
but life is not that way right now i think
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i dont know how, but one day this'll all end
im holding onto that hope
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i think
for the people who have hard things to remember
i want it to be over too
clarity, clarity...
and what if it wasn't for their sake? are you saying you wouldn't want it to be over?
[She'll ignore the question given to her for now, but she'll get back to it in a moment.]
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the things that i remember
they are
bright ?
sparkling ?
i do not know if i will forget them if everything is over
but
it is okay if i do
because i think i will find them again
a different way
it does not matter so much for me
i will always be okay
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well
i guess to answer your question, i would
the person i was wasn't a particularly good person
im not entirely sure letting that kind of man roam around again free to do as he pleases is a good idea
so ideally it'll end before i
i dont know
turn back into that person? if that's how this works
[One day we'll all learn Nobunaga Oda was a woman but until then...]
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can i tell aki something else ?
something that happened
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go on
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