[well he's going to be looking for a while unless he automatically goes outside!!
which is where she is, at the playground, chilling on the swingset with her notepad. she doesn't seem to be crying this time, instead just doodling in the notepad some shapes before looking up at the sky, and then repeating the process
she hums quietly to herself. it's something slow, and sad, but this is self-care i guess]
[He does a brief look around the mansion, but he's sulky enough to run outside himself, so it isn't super long before he stumbles on her swinging on the playground.
But that's when his nerve breaks, and he absolutely detours around her to disappear. Only to...............come back in a few minutes, looking frustrated on top of everything else. He stands awkwardly where she can see, but far away, and he doesn't say anything.]
[ - she honestly assumes that he realized she was there and didn't want to talk to her. normally she would say something, but she's a little too sad tonight, even if that makes her sadder, so she lets him go for the first time without much of a word.
but when he comes back and just hovers nearby she will actually look up and - ]
[At first, it looks like he wants to just leave again. He peers at the offered empty swing, frowns... hesitates. And then marches over to sit in it without swinging any more than what he does when he sits.]
[ . . . yea, that's fair. anya's not really swinging either, and when he sits down, she... isn't really going to start the conversation tonight, or ask him anything he doesn't want to be asked right away. she knows how angry he was earlier, and if he wants to vent then he's welcome to - she's just not going to be the one to start the talk.
(even still, if they were red strung, he would've felt some tension in her chest loosen just a little when he joined her)
instead, she's going to just keep working on her notepad. jin ling might notice that she's got a pretty detailed star chart in the works if he glances over]
[This is fine. Actually? This is better? The fact she doesn't pester him with questions or what he would consider false niceties, false comforts--it's better. He has nothing to direct any anger or frustrations toward, and so it just
dissipates.
And he's left to rock beside her, feeling foolish and embarrassed about how he always acts. Also yeah, he glances at the star chart. Why is she such a girl.]
He looks at the drawn stars, brows furrowing. He's ye olde, but he's not really a star person unless it's, like, navigating by the way of the moon or certain stars back home if necessary. He does, however, get super embarrassed, his ears turning red.]
She will remember that, but then she’s going to flip to a different page in her notepad - earlier. He’ll see his name written at the top and underneath some dots and likes connecting them. They’ll vaguely resemble the shape of a lotus.
There’s more written on the page but - it’s in Cyrillic. Sorry!]
Лотос. Like lotus.
I read - and it is flower that grows even in muddy water, and blossoms. Прекрасный. Still strong.
[At first, he looks shocked, and then he looks sad. But quickly, he turns his head away so she can’t maybe see that part.
In a way, he feels guilty, not being a whole of the Jiang.] The lotus is my uncle’s. My mom’s younger brother. He is the Jiang Sect leader, and they are in Lotus Pier. So their emblem is a lotus. [His eyes look at his feet.]
Dad was a Jin. So I’m a Jin, too. Our emblem is the peony.
... I think you will be good Jin Sect Leader. I do not know if you want to make your Papa proud but... Праведный. I think you will be great.
[and she'll pause for a little bit before - swinging a little. just back and forth, her feet not leaving the ground as her gaze falls in front of her. it doesn't feel right, for only him to be vulnerable]
... Anya's Papa is from Russia. Anya's Mama is from Japan. In Russia, people thought Anya looked bad. In Japan, people think Anya talks bad - even though I want - ... wanted to be idol, and family are very far away. Разные. Maybe not same but...
To be not just one or other... is hard. To only be half.
[He’s not sure about the sect leader stuff. It worries him. He’s only fifteen, and that’s a big pair of britches. But also, there’s some other things happening. It might not be so far off.]
Mm.
[He’s Chinese through snd through, but in a culture that puts a big emphasis on family ties, he’s essentially in a similar boat. Worrying his lip with his teeth, he stares off for a moment or two.]
Mom was from Yunmeng, and Dad was from Lanling. So I stay with Uncle Jiang in Lotus Pier sometimes and Uncle Jin in Koi Tower sometimes.
even if he's very matter of fact in the way he talks about it, her heart does a little twist for him anyway. she lets her gaze drift back over to him]
... Back and forth? Is it hard?
[ . . . ]
Mama and Papa are in Hokkaido, but it is just Anya in Tokyo. Grandma and Grandpa are in Russia. [a beat, and even though he was emotionally connected to her earlier this week, and got a taste of the constant loneliness that weighs on her shoulders - ] В одиночестве. Feels hard to be alone.
[ - she wonders what kind of person Uncle Jin is, if he only talks about Uncle Jiang? There's a little tilt of her head before she nods again.]
... Mm. To have the family you have.... Удачный.
[though she wonders if she's imagining the way that things are starting to make sense - why he looked so upset the last time anya was so certain that people here cared about her. she wonders how to express that feeling to him, more clearly, so that he can understand it.
she wonders if it's possible, for someone like her.
but she'll try.]
... even when we are not in this place, I will remember you. So you can have Anya too.
[His face does a very weird dance of emotions, but naturally ends up on frustrated. He peels out of the swing because she is being soft, and he’s ready to flee from it. But he doesn’t run just yet.]
It isn’t the same! I don’t want to remember anything! I don’t want to remember anything about this awful place!
[He’s very tired of only having memories, and sometimes, not even that.]
she seems to blink at that, surprised. and then she just puts both of her hands in her lap, retreating back again.]
... Okay.
[it's a pretty bad place. she gets that. but it's the people who are managing to keep her sane, because she knows that she's cared about, even in a place that's so upside down.]
Забудьте. Then I hope you forget, if you do not want to remember.
[she'll accept being forgotten too, because her stubbornness for defending others never extends to herself.]
[Honestly, he never expects someone to agree with him, so he just stares at her in bewilderment when she does. He... asked for it? He literally said, and she went, “Okay,” but it’s wild to hear.
He thinks he doesn’t want to remember. It’d hurt to much to remember. But it isn’t that he wants everyone else to forget.]
I hope so.
[And then he turns and runs away over the playground like a big stupid idiot.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
constellates) wrote2020-02-17 10:27 am
w2, post trial 😒
Jin Ling is looking for Anya!! GOD! Where tf is she hiding?]
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which is where she is, at the playground, chilling on the swingset with her notepad. she doesn't seem to be crying this time, instead just doodling in the notepad some shapes before looking up at the sky, and then repeating the process
she hums quietly to herself. it's something slow, and sad, but this is self-care i guess]
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But that's when his nerve breaks, and he absolutely detours around her to disappear. Only to...............come back in a few minutes, looking frustrated on top of everything else. He stands awkwardly where she can see, but far away, and he doesn't say anything.]
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but when he comes back and just hovers nearby she will actually look up and - ]
... Сидеть. Can sit here, if you want to stay.
[she gestures to the empty swing next to her]
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(even still, if they were red strung, he would've felt some tension in her chest loosen just a little when he joined her)
instead, she's going to just keep working on her notepad. jin ling might notice that she's got a pretty detailed star chart in the works if he glances over]
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dissipates.
And he's left to rock beside her, feeling foolish and embarrassed about how he always acts. Also yeah, he glances at the star chart. Why is she such a girl.]
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eventually after the silence, she will gesture with her crayon around one cluster of stars]
This one makes me think of you.
[and that's all she'll say before she goes back to what she was doing]
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He looks at the drawn stars, brows furrowing. He's ye olde, but he's not really a star person unless it's, like, navigating by the way of the moon or certain stars back home if necessary. He does, however, get super embarrassed, his ears turning red.]
...Why?
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She will remember that, but then she’s going to flip to a different page in her notepad - earlier. He’ll see his name written at the top and underneath some dots and likes connecting them. They’ll vaguely resemble the shape of a lotus.
There’s more written on the page but - it’s in Cyrillic. Sorry!]
Лотос. Like lotus.
I read - and it is flower that grows even in muddy water, and blossoms. Прекрасный. Still strong.
I think of you.
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In a way, he feels guilty, not being a whole of the Jiang.] The lotus is my uncle’s. My mom’s younger brother. He is the Jiang Sect leader, and they are in Lotus Pier. So their emblem is a lotus. [His eyes look at his feet.]
Dad was a Jin. So I’m a Jin, too. Our emblem is the peony.
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she looks a little surprised at that before she - writes again. this time in Cyrillic. Пион. more for her than for him]
.... what does peony mean to you?
[she continues to look at him, curious and quiet. she catches the past tense, and doesn’t directly address it. instead - ]
Your Papa.... important to you?
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[And then he looks down, but away from her, far enough she can’t see his face. Very quietly, he says,]
He’s dead.
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... I am sorry.
Скучаю? Miss him?
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He died when I was a baby.
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... I think you will be good Jin Sect Leader. I do not know if you want to make your Papa proud but... Праведный. I think you will be great.
[and she'll pause for a little bit before - swinging a little. just back and forth, her feet not leaving the ground as her gaze falls in front of her. it doesn't feel right, for only him to be vulnerable]
... Anya's Papa is from Russia. Anya's Mama is from Japan. In Russia, people thought Anya looked bad. In Japan, people think Anya talks bad - even though I want - ... wanted to be idol, and family are very far away. Разные. Maybe not same but...
To be not just one or other... is hard. To only be half.
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Mm.
[He’s Chinese through snd through, but in a culture that puts a big emphasis on family ties, he’s essentially in a similar boat. Worrying his lip with his teeth, he stares off for a moment or two.]
Mom was from Yunmeng, and Dad was from Lanling. So I stay with Uncle Jiang in Lotus Pier sometimes and Uncle Jin in Koi Tower sometimes.
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even if he's very matter of fact in the way he talks about it, her heart does a little twist for him anyway. she lets her gaze drift back over to him]
... Back and forth? Is it hard?
[ . . . ]
Mama and Papa are in Hokkaido, but it is just Anya in Tokyo. Grandma and Grandpa are in Russia. [a beat, and even though he was emotionally connected to her earlier this week, and got a taste of the constant loneliness that weighs on her shoulders - ] В одиночестве. Feels hard to be alone.
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[Which sounds more like a brave save-face of “I deal with it because I don’t have any other choice.”]
I have Uncle Jiang.
[Figures. Everyone is out here with family, he thinks. With parents, or with five siblings, and he’s sitting here with Uncle Jiang and his dog.]
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... Mm. To have the family you have.... Удачный.
[though she wonders if she's imagining the way that things are starting to make sense - why he looked so upset the last time anya was so certain that people here cared about her. she wonders how to express that feeling to him, more clearly, so that he can understand it.
she wonders if it's possible, for someone like her.
but she'll try.]
... even when we are not in this place, I will remember you. So you can have Anya too.
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It isn’t the same! I don’t want to remember anything! I don’t want to remember anything about this awful place!
[He’s very tired of only having memories, and sometimes, not even that.]
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she seems to blink at that, surprised. and then she just puts both of her hands in her lap, retreating back again.]
... Okay.
[it's a pretty bad place. she gets that. but it's the people who are managing to keep her sane, because she knows that she's cared about, even in a place that's so upside down.]
Забудьте. Then I hope you forget, if you do not want to remember.
[she'll accept being forgotten too, because her stubbornness for defending others never extends to herself.]
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He thinks he doesn’t want to remember. It’d hurt to much to remember. But it isn’t that he wants everyone else to forget.]
I hope so.
[And then he turns and runs away over the playground like a big stupid idiot.]